you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize