listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
