i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
