Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
