Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
