I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think my vagina is haunted
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
