I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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