is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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