im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Pants are for mortals
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
