Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
