this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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