11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
