So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
