I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
