thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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