yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
