just come out here and I will go home with you...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
