2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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