I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
