im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
