Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
