OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
