My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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