I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
