I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
