so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
