Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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