Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
