Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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