Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
