I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
