My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
