Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm passing your future prison.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
