I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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