the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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