I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
