she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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