dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
