I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
