why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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