By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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