separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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