How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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