uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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