She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
