Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
