I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
