Got a toothbrush?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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