I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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