wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
