i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Best friends brother. Beat that.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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